Shitposting. Because I can.

 

 You know, blogs are a vanishing art form. I miss reading my knit blogs -- it was always intriguing to see what people I didn't really know were doing in their lives I had no part in.

But the one thing about this blog that I love is tracking my life. I left my job in May of 2021 (handy for when I maybe one day perhaps think about potentially getting into taking notes for what may end up being a resume) because...lots of reasons. Nominally, it was because I wanted to take care of my mom through her knee replacement surgeries (both knees, done! On to bigger and better joints, I guess?), but mostly because the job sucked just that much toward the end. And it's true, but employees don't leave jobs, they leave management. I liked my manager, I really do like her. But her management style cut me off at the knees, and really...it's like it was designed to provoke me into curling up into a tight defensive ball and cut off emotionally. I suppose it works for some people, but, eh. When your only employee disengages after a year on the job, maybe it's time to reflect, yes? Maybe I should have been the one to reflect, but honestly, the number of managers I've had whose style actually made me give a damn is barely even a quorum of the group. I'm so used to management that makes me disengage, I had no idea it could actually be different. I've been thinking all along that I'm just bad at working, when I should have realized that it's not just me, it's me as a part of the system -- and the system is just as 'bad' in that equation.

I'd been planning to quit and take a sabbatical at some point, but then things took a turn and I cut the gig loose earlier than I'd considered. And it's amazing the way I feel better, physically. And then today I go looking through my blog and counted the times I discussed 'shit getting real' and 'stuff sucking' and realized... that was my job. Each and every time. I had disengaged not just from the organization, but from myself. That's not good.

I'm just exhausted by the thought of trying again at a traditional job. And, honestly, it's not a thing you can get to the core of in an interview, before you've actually tried a job, so you can't even winnow out if you will experience it again in a new position. You can ask about management style, but good luck getting a straight (much less honest) answer. And I've been burned so many times before by people who lacked basic awareness about how they manage their teams, I have zero trust in that process, anyway.

So, fuck that. I may take a part time position, to bring in income while I work on some personal projects, but I am done with office work. The politicking, the trying to keep busy but not too busy and not too slack so you're there 40 hours in a week but still able to get everything done on time, dealing with shared microwaves and office refrigerators and the bathrooms, oh, Gods, the bathrooms....

DONE.