Ooookay.

I've decided which project to take on next. I'm going to make lace with the Kidsilk. the Woodland Shawl, by The Thrifty Knitter. I'm a bit nervous; frogging with this stuff won't be simple, I'm modifying the pattern to my own ends and not entirely sure that what I'm thinking will work the way I think it will work, and I don't actually own all the yarn I think I'll need for it. But....it's April Fools' Day. And I am nothing if not a huge fool. I'm feeling an urge to do something small, something that seems insignificant, but totally and completely foolish. I need to trust in myself, and if I can't trust myself over such a minor thing (in the scope of humanity) as knitting a lace shawl, how can I trust myself over bigger things? Like...what to have for dinner on any given night? Although it's pretty damn likely that on any given night, dinner won't be costing me what the Kidsilk did. I typically do fishsticks, not Kobe beef.

I've already contacted my dealer (we do business in less shady places than alleys, but it's about the same level of dependence and probably financially much more damaging than a crack habit) and there's two balls (I hope I hope I hope) waiting for me to get another paycheck so I don't, you know, go into hock or anything.

Well. I say "hock" but what I mean is "dipping into money earmarked for someone/thing else." I've got more than enough ready on hand, but I don't want to. Because it's mine. See? I'm progressing.

Anyway, I had fifteen minutes to blog before bedtime, and thought I should take it. Tonight, I blew my time watching season 1 of "Heroes" on DVD (because it's amazing the depths I'll go to to watch Christopher Eccleston in anything, and boy, compared to the soppy misanthrope that was the half hour of Jude I could get through, he's positively cuddly in this role; how I do miss David from Shallow Grave), tomorrow I'm going out with my in-town friend because I need to get out of the house before I completely lose my mind and Thursday I've got lessons. Friday starts the Scriptfrenzy work for me--I'm not worried too much about getting off on the immediate footing, since a) 100 pages, b) dialogue, c) I can do ten pages in three hours with one inch margins and one and a half line spacing, much less script format. Besides, I want to get an outline together, which I think I will do tomorrow on lunch. On paper. How low-tech of me. But I have little choice. I'm not going home tomorrow night before dinner and the movie, and Thursday I get home late (and will be watching more "Heroes" because I am now hooked. Yet another addiction with which I must cope.)

Friday is the day I begin, because it's considered an unlucky day for new beginnings. But I began on a Friday, and I consider it to have been quite an auspicious beginning. Besides, the reasons it's considered unlucky make it much more appealing. There are links to Paganism and Mother worship, and while I'm not a card-carrying Pagan/Heathen/non-Christian, I'm about as close as you can get without setting little Baptist children on fire when you walk by. By and large, I respect others' paths to the Divine, and find Pagan/Heathen and the associated peoples paths to be, even more by and large, to be gentle, very non-'let's set this one on fire and see how loud they scream' sorts of paths. I can respect that. And if the gentle peoples think Friday is a most excellent day (which is why Christian Europe regards Friday as unlucky; it's a witch's day) to do anything, well. All to the good for me.

And it harm none, do as ye will. And Blessed Be.