Sorry. I'm a bit hungry right now, and my soup's about...twenty minutes away from being anywhere near done. In twenty minutes, I get to mush up the potatoes in the soup, add ham, cheese and some milk. Then heat it through again. Mmmmmm. Want soup.
Any-way. I had to go get some yogurt. There's no way I was going to be able to go another half hour without something in my stomach.
So. Burnout. Long story short: I am completely burnt out on my current job. I can't even conceive of trying to find another job anywhere else because, frankly, I can't imagine any other job not being as unpleasant as this one. I'm told there's such a thing as "job satisfaction", but so far, that's just a theory to me.
Actually, I'm finding the burn out handy, as I'm about two months (maximum) from being fired. Burnt out, you see. I just can't seem to generate anything even vaguely akin to concern for how my work is done. It all seems so pointless anymore. I mean, I make a small bit of progress, then find out that I'm not doing anything like what I thought I was, and it all goes straight to hell.
I was feeling rather bummed out about the burn out thing until I had a happy thought tonight. Well, it's been oncoming for a week or so now. Twice in the past week, I've had people quote Julian of Norwich to me: "All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things shall be well." Now, at least one of these people uses the quote as a greeting and general how d'ye do, but the other (as far as I knew) hadn't heard the quote before. Then tonight, while singing at church, I flip my pages quite haphazardly and turn to the page that holds the hymn version of that particular section of Julian of Norwich's book. Quite amusingly, at the same time, my organist is telling me that perhaps this period of burn out is a sign that it is a time of turning in my life. And I realized....
My online name (in most places, not just here) is Silver Phoenix. I am Silver Phoenix. And phoenixes, by their very nature, need to burn in order to be reborn. Perhaps it is merely my burning time. And soon, after the flames die down, I'll be remade, a little naked chick, sitting in the ashes. I quite hope so. A new beginning would be very nice.
Further realization: Since I've been putting money into my savings account the past two months, if I can manage to keep saving at the same rate, and get the full $600 from the government in the stimulus "forget what crap the economy is at the moment" package pay offs, I only really have to work two more months and I'll be able to take at least three months off. Actually, I can quit my job at the end of June, spend July recovering and sitting on my rear (actually probably playing at writing and knitting and other general artistry in an attempt to recover from my burn out) before getting my second wind and starting to look for a new job. And have all of August and September to find one, plus maybe a bit of October.
Besides:
Um. Oops. I didn't really realize how much yarn there was in my life until I got this pretty new yarn keeper. It's almost full to the tippy top. Worse yet:
Um. Yeah. This set of yarn? Not even in my yarn keeper thingie. Plus, I've got three of the balls for the Who scarves outside all the keepers. Not that it's a lot of bulk, but....Well. If nothing else, I have more than enough yarn to keep me occupied while I'm sitting on my arse, recovering from burnout this summer.
I've finished my second bowl of soup, and I'm so tired from sleeping on my friend's couch last night (also a long story made short) that I can't type worth a damn, so I'm going to get off here and go watch "Robin Hood" and then "Graham Norton". Then bed. Maybe bed before then--I can always record Graham for tomorrow. I'm about done up, I am. Ooh. And Guy of Gisborne is looking all moody and sullen. Lucky is he that he's pretty enough that his emo-ness is only annoying and not fatally unattractive.
And remember: All will be well and all will be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
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