Scared, scared, scared.

Augh! Too many scary things going on in my life right now! Existential angst, gauge drama (or should I say gauge trauma), and to top it all off, I'm not sleeping at home, which means my back is cranky. Gah. I give up.

So, gauge trauma. I'm using this:

To make this:

Lotus Hat by UptownPurl (Ravlink on that name). It's going well, don't get me wrong, I've only had to tink back once or twice (the second time I had to go back nearly the whole darn row). My problem is...I'm crap at gauge. I have to figure out the designer's gauge, then reason out where I should even begin to start on needle sizes. I started this on US 7 needles even though the pattern calls for US6s. I'm a wicked loose knitter but not so loose that I'd get 5 stitches to the inch with worsted weight yarn on size 6 needles. I ended up realizing I'd have to knit the hat on size 8 needles in order to get anywhere close to her gauge. My concern is that I'm going to knit it too loose (still!) and it will be baggy. It's designed to be a beanie, not a beret.

Oh, well. Bravery. Be brave and the gauge will deal with itself, I'm sure.

The other part is my unemployment is coming to an end. I'm not as worried as I should be, I don't think, because I did the math and figured out that I could do one article a day, Monday through Friday, and make ample for my needs. I think I can manage such a slow pace. I think. It'll be dull, I fear the editors, but it can be done. It's the other writing projects I'm coming up with that bother me. And the fear that always crops up that I'm being stupid, I'm a crap writer and should just cave in, get a real job and stop being such a child.

Gah. I just cannot get along with myself on that point! Perhaps I'll take myself out this weekend upcoming, to a movie or something, and have a nice chat about it. Something's got to give, and I just hope it's not my mind that snaps.