I am enervated. Wiped out, tapped out, done up. Thank Providence that it is Friday and this is the weekend. I was supposed to go out to the movies tonight, but those plans got changed when it was realized there was nothing worth seeing playing at present. Fine, I needed the quiet time because frankly, I had a strange realization this morning.
For the past week and a half, since Fred had his little troubles on the highway, I have been having problems. I'll be sitting in my chair after dinner and my heart will suddenly start racing, pounding and then I have that feeling of the heart skipping a beat -- that weird "kerplop" behind your breastbone. I know my heart isn't skipping beats -- I've had a finger on my pulse when it happens, the rhythm keeps steady.
I've been wondering if it was too much salt, too much caffeine, too much food giving me a very strange type of indigestion. I didn't realize until today, this morning, when it started again at the office...I'm having panic attacks.
I didn't recognize them because they're just small ones, more...mild than the ones I've had in past. Once I realized what it was, it stopped. I'm hoping I don't have another tonight and I'm really glad I have the time to pull myself back together this weekend.
My only plan is to 1. Sleep a lot. 2. Knit a bit. 3. Read some. 4. Eat some chocolate ice cream.
Hopefully, this will speed the cure up a bit. I just need to get calm first so that I can forget what the constant anxious feels like. Maybe then I'll be able to stay calm.