I got pink slipped today. What was I saying yesterday about focused effort, working hard and directing my efforts?
Today is my first official day as a self-employed person. After all, I've decided that at this point, no matter what job I take, I am, first and foremost, working for myself. It's when you start working for someone else that problems start.
I'm rather calm, actually. I got severance, and will be getting unemployment, which is nice. I might take a week to just think and rest and recover from all the stress of the past four and change years. Maybe think things through, choose which direction I want to go--which is a vast, vast difference from any previous time of my life. Everyone in my family is so anxious about my employment status that I have always been rushed into employment, any employment, shoveling shit out of mine shafts would be better than being unemployed because ohmygodshe'sunemployedandthat'sdifferentfromanyotherdayhow?!?!? As if having a job has, at any time in my life, guaranteed my financian independence, happiness or wealth!
To tell the truth, calm is overstating the case. I was giddy with joy earlier today. I was so terrified that when I got canned I would be fired as opposed to laid off, and when they fire people, they contest your unemployment claim. In essence, they gave me the green light to just let go and let go.
Last week, if you'd asked me what I thought of the company I worked for, I would have kept my mouth shut in the spirit of what your mamma taught you: "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" (which is a crap philosophy, but I'll get back to that in a later post). In all fairness, I should, at this point, make a note that whatever problems I've ever had in any job (and this job, in particular) were not problems at the job, per se, but problems with me. I have always, and will always be, the main problem I have. Disclaimers aside, today I feel quite generous and loving toward them. After all, they've finally given me what I hadn't the courage to take for myself.