Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I should watch my mouth.

I got pink slipped today. What was I saying yesterday about focused effort, working hard and directing my efforts?

Today is my first official day as a self-employed person. After all, I've decided that at this point, no matter what job I take, I am, first and foremost, working for myself. It's when you start working for someone else that problems start.

I'm rather calm, actually. I got severance, and will be getting unemployment, which is nice. I might take a week to just think and rest and recover from all the stress of the past four and change years. Maybe think things through, choose which direction I want to go--which is a vast, vast difference from any previous time of my life. Everyone in my family is so anxious about my employment status that I have always been rushed into employment, any employment, shoveling shit out of mine shafts would be better than being unemployed because ohmygodshe'sunemployedandthat'sdifferentfromanyotherdayhow?!?!? As if having a job has, at any time in my life, guaranteed my financian independence, happiness or wealth!

To tell the truth, calm is overstating the case. I was giddy with joy earlier today. I was so terrified that when I got canned I would be fired as opposed to laid off, and when they fire people, they contest your unemployment claim. In essence, they gave me the green light to just let go and let go.

Last week, if you'd asked me what I thought of the company I worked for, I would have kept my mouth shut in the spirit of what your mamma taught you: "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" (which is a crap philosophy, but I'll get back to that in a later post). In all fairness, I should, at this point, make a note that whatever problems I've ever had in any job (and this job, in particular) were not problems at the job, per se, but problems with me. I have always, and will always be, the main problem I have. Disclaimers aside, today I feel quite generous and loving toward them. After all, they've finally given me what I hadn't the courage to take for myself.

My freedom.


Julie said...

Hugs on the pink slip. Even if you're giddy with joy (I don't blame you), it still sorta sucks.

Yes, you're very smart not to fall into society's 'unemployed = worthless' viewpoint. After my accident I had a mild hissy when I realized I wouldn't be able to work a forty-hour a week job. You know, I'm still contributing to society and generally have my act together.

So, yes, see this as an opportunity. A wise way to look at it. May you find Dream Job, or at least Not So Bad Job.

Silver Phoenix said...


A friend compaired it to going from swabbing the deck, waiting for the captain to come by and point you to the plank, to having already swum to the nice, beachy island, sitting under a tree, drinking rum and trying to think of a way out.

Actually, now I've mentioned it, rum sounds good right now. And can't we all use Captain Jack as a role model? THAT'S the rubberized wrist band we all need: WWCJD?

Marigold said...

you know what Captain Jack Sparrow would do, darling - Steal a boat! I'll help!

congratulations on being laid off instead of being fired, I agree, it's an important difference. A few weeks off sounds good, do you have any thoughts on what you want to do after that?

Silver Phoenix said...

Nary a clue. Although if I stay unemployed long enough to draw benefits, part of the state's package is free job training and certifications. I had a friend who got laid off, collected unemployment, got C++ certified, and ended up making money off the deal. I really should call her for advice.

I probably wouldn't go for programming training, but I wonder if they've got tech writer certification on the list of training programs....

Stealing a boat. Hmmmm. Maybe I'll just stick with cultivating the eyeliner and swaggering--I'd probably ground a boat. :-)