Friday, August 1, 2008

Exhaustion (Day 46)

I never thought, really, I'd make it this far in my quest to pay everything off in the hardcore fashion. But here I am, mostly sane (to be fair, this is my usual mental state) and fairly sound. I'm tense beyond belief, but holding it together. I'm not sure if the stress is from...well, no. I know I'm stressed because there is no give in this plan. No out. I had to blow most of my savings on tires last month (trust me, it was necessary to replace those tires) and that ate my cushion. Rather like an angry terrier, really.

To my credit, I managed to restrain myself last weekend. I went to visit a friend (a friend who provided excellent hospitality, although I did learn I haven't the nuts to live in the country--I am so thoroughly urban it's rather sad) and, even though I had extra cash on hand and we went to a most excellent used bookshop (a shop which extended into L-Space, mind you) I did not buy anything. In fact, the only things I purchased while in visitation were a pint of chocolate Hagen Daazs, a bottle of Odwalla Blueberry B Monster and a package of cheese crackers. Not bad, really, not bad at all.

I've been proceeding apace on the dragon scale shawl. Well, not apace, really, just as well as I can considering I've now gone more than 14 days without any appreciable time away from people. Going insane, I am. Simply bonkers. I've a strong urge to find a cave somewhere and crawl in. I don't dare knit anything vexing or requiring thought because I'm so tired from the constant supervision of other humans.

The problem, you see, is I'm a Jungian Introvert, which means I get my mental rest from solitude and being in my own company. As I've not had any solitude, other than my drives to and from work (which stress me out for the money it's costing), I'm strung out. I need to get away, get some quiet. And I can't really get my daily walk in, either, as the dog can't handle the heat and humidity.

So. Exhausted. I've been lying about, reading, trying to get myself some mental space. I've also been daydreaming up some interesting ideas for knit designs, if I can manage to make them work (I'm sure they can be made to work; it's amazing what you can do when no one tells you they're impossible before you try). I just.... Yeah.

I'm just waiting for That Mitchell and Webb Look and then I'm going to bed. And remember, if you fall into L-Space while enjoying your local lending or cruising the shelves of a Bosch-like bookstore, there are three rules of proper behavior:

1. Silence
2. Books must be returned by the last date stamped
3. Do not interfere with the nature of causality

And don't ever, ever, ever call the Librarian a monkey. He really doesn't like it.